In Defense of Final Fantasy XII’s Battle System

In Defense of Final Fantasy XII’s Battle System

Today is basically Christmas Eve, because tomorrow will mark the day Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age, the remastered version the secret best Final Fantasy game, will be released for the PlayStation 4. It boasts fancy new graphics in the H-est of Ds, an orchestral soundtrack and an expanded Job system that was previously exclusive to the Japan-only rerelease of the original game, Final Fantasy XII International Zodiac Job System.

To say I love Final Fantasy XII is a bit of an understatement. I’ve been known to shout from the Twitter rooftops about how much I love composer Hitoshi Sakimoto’s work and the soundtrack for Final Fantasy XII is just sublime. The game’s soundtrack has a very distinctive, ethereal arrangement of strings and winds that’s so awe-inspiringly beautiful that I just want to swim in it.

I’m listening to the soundtrack as I write this and I think I’ve said the phrase “God I’m so happy” about twenty times, no joke. Ask my wife.

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Ecto Cooler, One Year Later

Ecto Cooler, One Year Later

When Ecto Cooler returned for a brief period last year it was nothing short of magical. Even though I wasn’t the hugest Ghostbusters fan as a kid (which, honestly, baffles me to this day) Ecto Cooler was THE flavor of Hi-C that I wanted in my school lunch. Tasting it again two decades later and immediately recognizing it, as if seeing an old friend, was something I’ll never forget.

It wasn’t the perfect relaunch, though. It was damn near impossible to find in stores which meant you had to fight the online crowds whenever the cans came in stock on Amazon. My wife was the MVP that one fateful day.

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The Super Fantastic SpaceKappa E3 2017 Wrapup!

The Super Fantastic SpaceKappa E3 2017 Wrapup!

It’s E3 again, that magical time of year when hype takes over and we’re all kids on Christmas morning. The entire gaming industry gathers in Los Angeles to wow us, amaze us and work us into a frothing fervor as we throw money at our computers, desperate to buy video games that don’t exist yet.

It’s a yearly tradition of mine to take time off from work so I can enjoy all the press conferences and let myself really get lost ~in the moment~ and this year was no exception! With pizza rolls and Code Red in hand I waited with the giddiness of Homer Simpson finding an overturned Duff truck to see what I’m gonna be playing over the next couple of years.

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It’s Okay if a Game Isn’t For You

It’s Okay if a Game Isn’t For You

Mario and Rabbids, together at last! Two great tastes even better together, like peanut butter and getting hit by a bus.

Yeah, one of the worst kept gaming secrets of 2017 was finally sorta kinda confirmed when key art and documents for Mario & Rabbids Kingdom Battle for the Nintendo Switch hit the internet last week.  Of course, as is tradition, sarcasm and snark were the overwhelming sentiment on Twitter Dot Com.

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My Heart’s Truest Wish

My Heart’s Truest Wish

If I were ever to win the lottery and be Filthy Stinkin’ Rich I’d do a lot of good things with all that lettuce. Buy up medical and student loan debt and tell people they’re off the hook. Donate to charities. Create affordable housing. Stuff like that. But when it comes to selfish things I’d do for myself I already know what my heart’s truest wish is.

I’d get a 100% accurate replica built of Princess Peach’s castle from Super Mario 64.

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Making Custom Sonic Characters is Silly but I’m Sold on Sonic Forces

Making Custom Sonic Characters is Silly but I’m Sold on Sonic Forces

Well, you can’t say Sega doesn’t know their audience.

This year’s “well, I guess maybe it could be okay, maybe” Sonic game, Sonic Forces, looked incredibly bland from its reveal trailer, especially next to the deliciously retro Sonic Mania. As someone who’s been burned by the Sonic Cycle more than once, I knew I’d be safe in passing on another “modern” outing by the blue blur.

Then they crammed DeviantArt into the game and suddenly I’m on board. I don’t know why either and it makes me so mad.

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A Tribute to the Oddball Bosses of Gunstar Heroes

A Tribute to the Oddball Bosses of Gunstar Heroes

Gunstar Heroes, developed by Treasure and released in 1993 for the Sega Genesis is an amazing video game. One of the best ever, to be more specific. In fact, there was a study by world-renowned awesomologist Alejandir P. Feelgüd that found Gunstar Heroes contained more radness per second than had ever been recorded at that time. It has it all: explosions, an endless army of robots to fuel said explosions, customizable weapons, anime art style, solid co-op play and rockin’ 16-bit tunes. It also had awesome bosses with hilarious names. This is their tribute.

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Is Breath of the Wild as Good in 2017 as Ocarina of Time Was in 1998?

Is Breath of the Wild as Good in 2017 as Ocarina of Time Was in 1998?

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was released only a couple of months ago and is still rocking faces, ensuring itself a place in just about every Game of the Year conversation months and months from now.

It’s pretty much universally adored, and for good reason: it’s masterfully well-made, taking so many familiar Zelda characters and staples and transplanting them into a huge, breathing open world that features Nintendo’s typical polish. It eliminates much of the jank other games in the genre suffer from and trims enough of the fat that it still feels like a tight, focused experience the whole way through.

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Melee is the Best Smash Bros. Game, but Not For the Reasons You Think

Melee is the Best Smash Bros. Game, but Not For the Reasons You Think

Most people are pretty sick of Smash Bros. Melee these days and it’s hard to fault them for it. The game still demands attention at modern fighting game tournaments despite only a small handful of characters ever being used, heavy CRT televisions needing to be carted in and professional players requiring controllers that are malfunctioning. To make it worse, its most ardent of defenders spend vast amounts of energy decrying the latest release on Wii U, undermining all the effort players have put into supporting the tournament scene.

I understand unreasonably liking a game, but those people kinda drive me bonkers. As much as it pains me to say, though, I do have to agree that Melee is the best Smash Bros. game, just not for the reasons those wackos do.

(I don’t know what wavedashing is)

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It’s Very Important to Me That You Know This is the Wrong Way to Hold A Controller

It’s Very Important to Me That You Know This is the Wrong Way to Hold A Controller

Look at how I’m holding the controller in that picture. Look at it. Isn’t it awful? It’s like looking at someone wiping their mouth with the Mona Lisa. Is that hyperbole? I don’t care. It’s gross and even just holding the controller like that to take a picture for this article made me feel like an awful person.

I was reading an article on Kotaku about the DualShock 3  and in the comments people were talking about holding controllers with their index fingers AND middle fingers on the shoulder buttons, using only their ring fingers and pinkies to actually hold the dang thing. Yuck.

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